Why Teens Need Self-Advocacy Skills to Thrive: Parents, Stop Helping and Start Empowering!

Questions To Ask To Teach Them Self-Advocacy

It should come as no surprise that, the more a child can self-advocate for themselves during their developmental years under our care, the better they thrive outside in the real world of college and job later on. So here are a few things parents must stop doing for their children and teens, so they can build some concrete self-advocacy skills.

Ask These Questions To Your Teens Before You Help Them:

1. Is anything worth risking your safety and future?
2. How can we make our situation better?
3. Do you need any help right now?
4. Is there an alternative approach to that?
5. Do you understand how capable you are on your own?

Love Them Not Anxiously Parent Them

One of the most important things we can learn as parents is to master our own stress and anxiety. They are asking for us to love them and not be anxious about them. If we can understand for ourselves first that there are things that we can control and can’t control, that’s a start.

We must understand that anxiety and worry comes from the sense of powerlessness we feel about the things that we can’t control and make any better. We must then learn to live with what you cannot control.

Here are three examples of how we think about situations.

1: I can help my child prepare for the exam, but in the end, can’t control how well he or she performs.
2: I can help my child with his college application, but I cannot control what the outcome will be from those colleges.
3: I can talk to my child about relationships, but I can’t control the relationship choices he or she will make.

Now we can focus on the things that we can control and learn how to effectively resolve them.

The above thoughts can be reevaluated as:

1: I’ve tried having a conversation with him, and I’ve a sense that maybe he will understand my point of view.
2: Well, in the end, my child might end up making a bad choice, but I’m there for him to support him.
3: He’s having this relationship because it’s part of his changing choices and his normal growth pattern.

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Parents Need To Stop Doing These Now

When we stop doing things for our children, we are infact empowering them to take care of themselves. Of course, we can tell them that they will be making their own choices under our watchful guidance. So, parents, if you would like to encourage self-advocacy in your children please stop doing a few things right now.

DO NOT:

• Replace items they have lost or broken.
• Tell them it’s OK to try alcohol under their supervision.
• Help if it’s not a life and death situation.
• Invite them to adult only parties.
• Solve disciplinary issues at school for them.
• Ask teachers to give them better grades or pass them.
• Drop them off when they miss the bus.
• Give them access to unlimited amounts of cash.
• Make doctor appointments or set up play dates (for teens).
• Buy birth control and other contraceptives.
• Resolve issues with their friends or roommates.
• Manage prescriptions or money for your college student.
• Make travel plans and manage schedules for your college student.

Letting go is hard, but it is better for both the parties in the end. Parents, relax and everything is going to be ok, you have done your part.

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