Stop Saying No! The Secret Parenting Framework for Discipline & Happy Kids

The parenting framework | Essays by Rachana Nadella-Somayajula | Writer, Poet, Humorist

Setting Limits

 

It’s not always easy to get children to do as they are asked, Whether at bedtime or in other situations, children often try to challenge the limits adults set. An important part of positive discipline involves setting effective limits for children’s behavior.

Setting clear and effective limits supports children’s development. Knowing that an adult is in charge helps children feel safe. It can also help to reduce stress in family relationships and make parenting easier.

 

What Is Discipline?

 

For many parents growing up, discipline often meant punishment. It left us with feelings of hurt, upset and unfairly treated.

Discipline is really about guidance. It is a way to keep children safe as they find out about the world. They need to learn how to manage their feelings, impulses and actions so they can learn and get on with others.

Discipline is also about helping children learn the values that are important to your family. Children learn to make good choices because they want to do the right thing, not just to avoid punishment. This teaches them self-discipline. Warm but firm parenting that encourages the behavior you want is the best way to guide children.

 

Understanding Children’s Behavior

 

Young children often show their feelings in how they behave. They have not yet learned the words to say how they feel. Parents might think the child is being ‘naughty’ or playing up when in fact they are struggling with something. Understanding what causes your child’s behavior is important. If you deal with what’s really bothering them they will have less need to ‘act out’ or be ‘naughty’.

 

Is It OK To Be Strict With Your Children? 

 

YES!

Young children are observed to have lesser behavior problems and disruptive attitude when they work around a routine and in a structured environment. When given exact directions on what is expected of them, kids tend to have lesser anxiety and behavioral issues.

 

How To Set Effective Limits

 

  • Be firm but friendly
  • Talk in clear language what ‘exactly you want your child to do’.
  • Be consistent.
  • Children need structure and respond well to a scheduled, structured environment.
  • Set up Rules and routines
  • Acknowledge, encourage, praise
 
 
 

Reward Positive and Good Behavior

 

  • Good things happen when I show compliance.
  • Positive attention is usually very reinforcing for young children.
  • Come to your child’s level with reinforcement.
  • Pay attention to body language.
 
 
 

Conclusion

 

In the end, remember two things. Set your limits and stand your ground.

Children don’t do the right things most times, simply because they don’t know what to do given a circumstance. And they don’t understand the consequences of their thoughts and actions.

Explain to your child why you’re asking them to do things a certain way. Question your child what they want, the temporary pain of discipline or the long lasting pain of regret?

 

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