What Working with Kids Taught Me About Phones, Focus, and Taking Back Control

Phones And Focus

Yesterday I was interviewed by a highschooler for a video documentary on phone addiction in children. Since I have a background as a teacher, he was seeking answers on how children perform in class in the digital age.

A few years ago, I had started FutureSTRONG Academy because I felt this urgent need to intervene in how children were spending time in and after school. It was time to show them that their capabilities and their creativity matters and that technology was making us all compulsive screen suckers.

FutureSTRONG has always been grounded in a few core ideas:

• Creation over consumption
• Off-screen, hands-on learning
• Peer interaction and real-world problem solving
• Conscious, intentional use of technology

Here are his questions and my answers.

1. Heavy Phone Users Vs. Non-Users

QUESTION: When you were teaching robotics, did you notice a difference in engagement between kids who used phones a lot versus those who didn’t?

MY ANSWER: I’ve actually been very lucky because I taught robotics and coding. With robotics there’s usually instant engagement. When kids are building, coding, or training a robot to move, they’re pulled into the mechanics right away.

So attention wasn’t the initial problem. But I could absolutely tell the difference in sustained focus.

Kids who spent more time on phones had a lower tolerance for complexity. If something didn’t work right away, they gave up faster. They also struggled to follow multi-step guidance. If I explained three or four things, they’d tune out halfway and ask questions I had already answered.

And I noticed two patterns:

• If a task was too easy, they got bored quickly
• If it was too hard, they disengaged just as fast

That middle zone, where learning happens, was harder for them to stay in.

2. Are Kids Aware of Addiction?

QUESTION: Do you think kids realize that apps are designed to be addictive?

MY ANSWER: Honestly, no. And I don’t think that’s their fault. Kids are not inherently distracted. They are often trained into distraction because they are not taught the right way to use tech. If technology is being used for entertainment and passive scrolling, it can deepen dependency.

The human brain, especially the prefrontal cortex, which handles decision-making and self-regulation doesn’t fully develop until the mid-20s. So expecting kids to ‘self-regulate’ on addictive technology is unrealistic.

What’s happening is that these platforms are intentionally designed to keep attention, it’s a business model. Infinite scroll, notifications, and streaks, none of these are accidental.

And as parents, we sometimes assume kids will ‘figure it out’ because they’re digital natives. But knowing how to use technology is very different from knowing how to manage it.

3. What’s The Most Vulnerable Age

QUESTION: From your experience at FutureSTRONG and as a parent, what age group is most vulnerable to phone addiction?

MY ANSWER: I’d say, honestly, from the moment a child is handed a screen all the way into their mid-20s just because of how much time it takes for our complex human brains to develop.

But the reason changes with age.

• Under 10: It’s habit formation. This is the age where routines are established and behaviors are formed. Their brains are wiring rapidly, you might have heard of the ‘what fires together wires together.’ So early exposure without boundaries makes habits very hard to break later.
• Teens: It becomes about social validation. This is where peer validation becomes central to their identity. And dopamine driven feedback loops reinforce external validation.

I’ve seen kids delete posts if they don’t get enough likes within an hour. That tells you we’ve started to live not for ourselves but for others’ approval. And this especially impacts self-worth, particularly for girls, when validation is coming from numbers instead of within.

4. AI & Phone Addiction

QUESTION: Now that you work in AI, do you think it’s making phone addiction worse or better?

MY ANSWER: I have mixed feelings. On one hand, AI is unlocking creativity. Kids are learning how to ask better questions, build things, and think differently. That’s powerful.

But on the other hand, AI systems are also designed to keep you engaged. They respond in ways that feel validating and continuous, internet doesn’t have an ending or a final page, so when you don’t hit a natural stopping point, you tend to stay on it.

So again, it comes down to how you use it:

• If you’re using AI to create, it expands your thinking.
• If you’re using it to consume endlessly, it becomes just another loop. A study from Stanford shows that ChatGPT tells you you’re right — even when you’re wrong OR hurting someone. Imagine having a yes-man around you all the time. What could that turn you into?

CONCLUSION: A Deeper Reflection

The conversation around kids and phones should not make us sound like an alarmist. The goal is not to remove technology from kids’ lives. It is help them strike a balance between their online and offline lives. And leverage tech to scale their infinite potential through creativity.

With education and awareness, we can build good digital habits for our children. We can show them the power of their own creativity instead of consuming what’s out there. There’s something magical in building a game or making a robot go through obstacles.

My mission with FutureSTRONG Academy was to raise children who respect themselves, their time and their capabilities in a world where distractions are just a click or a swipe away.

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Articles On Mindful Parenting

It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
~ Joyce Maynard