The Tesla World Tour: Choosing Superchargers Over Spontaneity 🔋

Not long ago, I went to Chattanooga with my girlfriends. When one offered her Tesla for the trip, I was ready to virtue-signal my way to glory. Sustainability, innovation, clean energy. Let’s go!

I imagined waterfalls, giggles, coffee shops and long walks in the park. What I actually went on was a Tesla Charger World Tour with brief scenic interludes.

If anyone had jumped into a normal car with me and asked, “Can we make it there without dying?” I would’ve said, “Don’t be dramatic.”
Because even though I’m not the best driver in the world, I’m still pretty confident I’m not a homicidal one.

But when you get into an EV and someone asks that question, you quickly realize they’re interested in the battery health and not your driving record’s.

Our must see places included Coolidge Park and several supercharging stations within a 20 minute radius of other local landmarks. Our conversations revolved around life, all the things on our minds and aggressively, “How much battery is left?”, “Should we idle here?”, or “Maybe the volume button is draining the juice!”

At one point we wandered into a thrift store and I bought a gold spray-painted naked woman silhouette, mostly because it seemed like a better option than staring at a charging bar that refused to move.

While I was falling for the Tesla’s parallel parking precision and sleek interior, I started to feel a creeping unease. We were not optimizing our trip for joy, we were optimizing it for battery survival.

Old road trips were built around possibilities, where I would stop at a gas station next to a Micky D’s to get coffee and French fries. Now, I stop because my car is hungry and I also get a cheese bite and diet coke from Zaxby’s just because I’m right there anyway.

In this trip we were meticulously organizing our lives around a fragile battery ecosystem. Yes, I did feel like a part of the future, but I also lost my time, freedom and spontaneity. Was I willing to normalize a broken system just because it was wrapped up in good design?

By the end, I was appalled at my own willingness to suffer for the sake of aesthetic belonging. On the bright side, nothing bonds friendship quite like collective battery panic. Instead of haggling for prices at the thrift store, I was bargaining percentages with friends.

If my transportation system requires anxiety as a core feature, waiting as a lifestyle, and planning as a survival strategy, I don’t think I’m ready for such a future. Right now, the electric road trip feels like a pilgrimage of plug hunting.

Don’t get me wrong. Sustainability is one of the most important topics of our times. Tesla owners come from all demographics and political parties including independents. It’s a sign of changing times that we crave innovation and a future that works for everyone.

Tesla is gorgeous. Its got a golden attitude and a fabulous frunk. I pressed “start self-driving” and instantly my mind was blown. But the infrastructure has us all waiting in the wings. Until the world catches up to the car, I’m not ready to be tethered to the charging port.

I’ll take the spontaneity. The car can keep the juice.

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Observations, Opinions, and Cultural Critique

Cultural Essays from a Life Lived Between Worlds