Filters, Fraud, and Fame: Why I’m “Hiring” Kim K as My Life Coach

The Open Letter to Kim K

Yeah, once in a while I write posts like these, the kind that disappoint my parents and my kids alike. But, who else will stick it up to Kim and her klan? Uggh, so I will do the needful.

This one is going to be special. I’ll tell you how she motivates me to do better. And whenever I feel vain, I just have to think of her to instantly feel morally superior. One of the great things I’ve learned from her is how to stay in the spotlight and what to imitate. Look at her absolute dedication to the craft, from vocal fry 10 years ago to now AI filters in 2026.

Hi Kim,

I know you. I know of you. Just making that clear so you do not start wondering if we met at the Met Gala after-party or while I was calling your customer service line to complain about a pair of SKIMS I bought.

I just wanted to drop you this little open letter because, honestly, who else is going to tell you the truth wrapped in sarcasm and zero chill? Not your army of yes-people, that is for sure. From a closet organizer for Paris Hilton to now, you have come a long way. I will not even get into the video that propelled you into stardom. Congrats on continuing to prove your relevance, even in 2026, like it is no big deal. Truly inspirational.

The Business of “Being”

I actually wanted to write “stop parading yourself around,” because you’re teaching impressionable young girls and children that being seen is equal to being valuable. And for vulnerable adolescents who are still forming their personal identities, women like you are making them anxious about their bodies and afraid of being ordinary.

But then I thought, I should learn from you as a billionaire businesswoman. First off, Skims settling that $200,000 civil penalty under New Jersey’s Consumer Fraud Act for improperly collecting sales tax on tax-exempt clothing? Bold move. Nothing says “body-positive shapewear for everyone” like quietly paying the state because you allegedly charged extra tax on items that should not have been taxed for five straight years. Did the receipt say “empowerment tax,” or was that just implied?

Along with that, I wanted to list all the things that make me think about hiring you as my personal brand manager. If someone out there isn’t feeling good enough about themselves, you’ve a product for that. So I won’t harp on the fact that sensitive teens might internalize comparisons and become addicted to body surveillance and perfectionism.

The body has to be curvier, the content has to be curated, and the narrative has to be controlled. Your personal life is content. Milk it until you drop dead. Right?

The Cost of Fame

Maybe I have to learn how not to be “embarrassingly obsessed” with fame and Instagram likes. How many times do you refresh your posts to check the number of likes? What a way it must be to live your life.

Look, I get it. Life’s tough when your biggest problem is deciding how to design thongs with faux bushes. Or when you use face veils as a fashion statement to hide those botched Botox jobs. And when people are literally dying, you still can’t stop obsessing over the diamond earrings you lost in the pool.

The Anti-Role Model

So here’s my blunt advice. Take a hike. Stop scamming your way into the headlines with your money and resources. Or don’t. Clearly, it’s working. Just know that for most of us, you’re a laughing stock.

But seriously, you’ve motivated me to embrace my flaws without buying a fix. Speaking of which, I’m “hiring” you as my anti-role model. I imagine you as a trial lawyer in court. Instead of presenting the evidence, you will go, “Your Honor, go to TikTok. See for yourself.” Sheesh.

In summary, Kim, you motivate me to live better by being the ultimate “what not to do” manual. Less vanity, more substance. Less curated perfection, more authentic mess. Now pay me, because I need a wellness break just for writing this. Your life is exhausting even from afar.

But, hey, you’ve got me striving to be the opposite of Kardashian-level iconic.

The Kardashian Life In Memes

Brady and Kardashian Fans On Comments Sections

When their dating rumors made the rounds, sadly this is what people were defending.

– 0 –

Subscribe to My ONLY Bans: Exposing Celebrity Crimes

I’ll keep on eye on them so you don’t have to.