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Chasing Permanent Happiness

Many years ago, in my early thirties, I started asking myself why I wasn’t truly happy. A vital relationship in my life was in shambles, and a series of unfortunate misunderstandings had left things hopelessly deadlocked. But, before you go “awww…,” let me assure you – knock on wood, that relationship not only survived but also is thriving today.

The point is, when I was at my lowest, I questioned everything. I had a great house, a loving family, healthy kids, parents who were alive and well, friends who adored me, and a decent job. In the proverbial sense, I was “killing it” at the American dream.

And yet, I was painfully unhappy.

It took me years to realize that sometimes bad things are also blessings. I began reflecting on the fleeting nature of joy and started coming to terms with it. Objects and environments might change, but I decided that I can’t let my happiness fluctuate accordingly. After all, if a bigger home or a costly piece of jewelry could guarantee happiness, then surely all millionaires in the world would live in constant peace, right? 

Swami Chinmayananda says this beautifully. For a cigarette smoker, the smell of cigarettes gives pleasure. But for a non-smoker, the same cigarette can be a source of annoyance. Similarly, possessions or objects of desire rarely provide lasting happiness. 

Then what must we do? Identify that lasting happiness cannot be derived from chasing the temporary things of life. If your mind keeps jumping from one desire object to another, it becomes agitated and sorrowful. But when the mind is at peace, it’s possible to turn off our senses and turn inward. And that’s where the absolute source of happiness lies. 

How can I guarantee that? Let’s understand this a little further.

The Secret To Everlasting Joy

The quality of our thoughts matter. When the mind is calm, its paying attention to this amazing moment we’re in. And how do we keep the quality of our thoughts high? By maintaining the art of right contact (read Self unfoldment by Swami Chinmayananda for more on this) with the world through our thoughts and actions. 

We must also remember that we have agency. Our intellect grants us discretion – the ability to choose how we act, what we pursue, and what we value. Too often, we fall prey to groupthink, defining success based on what others have. Then we tell ourselves, “I will be happy when….” But pause and ask yourself what is keeping you from happiness right now? What is preventing you from experiencing true freedom?? True freedom which is the lack of desires and expectations of others to fulfil our cup of needs.

Regrets about our past, and worries about the future also rob us of the unfettered joy the present moment holds. So, bringing full attention to this miracle moment is the sure shot way to bliss.

Society encourages us to chase the desires of the senses from a young age. Don’t get me wrong, desires themselves aren’t bad – they keep us motivated and relevant in a competitive world. But becoming a slave to them is the problem. Too much inward focus, and you risk isolating yourself like a monk; too many external desires, can make you hedonistic. Balance is the key.

Ladies Finding Joy At A Wedding Photo Booth

Here Are Three Take Aways

I

I want to consider a scene in Mahabharata where, Bhishma, the grand-uncle to both Kauravas and Pandavas and a powerful warrior is lying on a bed of arrows after the Kurukshetra war. An embodiment of dharma, sacrifice, and honor, his life is also a tragic reminder of how loyalty to the wrong cause can bring suffering.

Yet, from his bed of arrows, Bhisma teaches Yudhishthira the concept of Raja Dharma – the principles of righteous leadership. Yudhishthira was conflicted about becoming king after so much bloodshed, so Bhishma advices him of the qualities of a noble ruler, “A true king rules for the welfare of his people, not for his own desires, and that Dharma must guide power, or power will destroy both the ruler and the kingdom.”

Bhisma’s body is suffering, but his mind remains focused inward. By staying aligned to his dharma, he continued to guide and mentor those who looked up to him.

II

And now, a question for reflection. If you were to perform every action with arpana buddhi (an offering), like every stroke of a sweeper’s broom is his prayer to God, would bliss truly be far away?

III

Finally, consider the story “The Ultimate Gift” by Jim Stovall. Losing his sight gave Jim inner vision, teaching us that our limitations do not define us, only our choices do. The story follows Jason, a young man who inherits not wealth, but wisdom through experience. 

If you haven’t read the book or watched Stovall’s speech, I highly recommend both. It’s a reminder that meaning, not material, is the ultimate gift of life. 

Life’s too short to postpone joy. Be happy.

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