Why Forgiveness Trumps Punishment: Healing Without Forgetting for a Stronger Future”

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The Weight of Grudges, the Lightness of Grace

As humans, we are naturally predisposed to being loving and compassionate. In this context, forgiveness is our path to being free. Don’t believe me? Please, allow me to explain.

Only when we experience evil, can we shine a light on our capacity to forgive. Even in the darkest of the days, I feel that this thought of mine holds true. See, emotions like anger, hate, blame, hostility hold us hostage.

Let’s look at two scenarios.

How do you approach a stranger? Do you wonder if they’re cruel or irredeemable? Or do you believe in their inherent humanity? Obviously, we smile, greet and be courteous to the other person we come across on the street.

But, with our loved ones, who we think have wronged us, it’s a different reaction altogether.

And, this is what I am talking about. This self-pity that we have been wronged. This victim mindset that we have been insulted. All these emotions take up a lot of our energy.

Of course, there are many different “crimes” and suitable punishments for them.

With children, we punish or discipline them without anger in our hearts. And then there are terrorists. Many times, unfortunately, their crimes go unpunished.

Sometimes, when we see someone with a scalpel without context, we think of violence. Now, let’s zoom out and see that the person holding the scalpel is in a doctor’s scrubs. We immediately tell ourselves that she’s about to relieve the pain and suffering of someone. As Shakespeare says in Hamlet, “I am cruel only to be kind.”

That’s what it is, perspective matters.

But, I am not talking about any of these scenarios. Sometimes, we get so blinded by rage and the need for seeking revenge that it consumes us from within. Instead of letting go like Teflon (think nonstick pans), we allow the grief and the anger to stick to us like Velcro (think fastening bands).

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The Strength in Forgiving

Forgiving can happen in two ways.

1. We indulge in self-acceptance for ourselves, we forgive ourselves for our flaws and strive better the next time.
2. And for others, we give unconditional positive regard. Meeting them midway, and giving them grace because we don’t know what they’re going through.

Of course, this does not apply for those who are stuck in violent and abusive situations. You can’t be a saint and forgive when it is life or death.

Forgiving someone for their infractions doesn’t make us weak. In fact, we’re showing our strength, our courage and our indomitable resilience to move on. And that we are exercising our choice to let go.

We have just decided to not give away the responsibility for our happiness to others. Instead of getting consumed by rage, we choose to focus on what truly matters, what we have to offer, and how to rise to our full potential. Even an axe made of sandalwood will spread its fragrance when it burns.

Lastly, forgiving is not the same as forgetting. If we forget, we are condemned to repeat getting hurt.

Bottom line is, it’s exhausting and tedious to keep a count of the number of times we have been wronged. We can’t spend this precious and wonderful live plotting our revenges. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That Meme

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