How to Avoid Crushing Your Child’s Self-Confidence: Balancing Peer and Parental Expectations

Self Confidence Vs. Self Esteem? 

 

Wikipedia: The concept of self-confidence is commonly used as self-assurance in one’s personal judgment, abilities, power, etc.

The definition of self confidence of a child is not unilateral. Its determined based on a combination of many events a child experiences – at home, at school and among his peers. Its a child’s ability to take initiation in a task without hesitation. Its his ability to being comfortable in his own skin. Imagine a child who’s academically brilliant, but doesn’t have the self confidence to raise his hand to answer all the questions he knows in class. How’s the teacher to find out about his abilities?

But if the child is self confident, he’s ready to meet challenges, face failures, and quickly adapt to changing situations without his inner monologue blocking his every move. As he grows up, you can trust him to be the first one to hit the dance floor, jump into action to help others who’re struggling and also share his opinions publicly to create a positive environment around him.

Self esteem is how much the child values himself and his abilities. It leads to how he surrounds himself with things that reflect his own view of himself. Children with a healthy self esteem value their interests and their personal contributions to society. They don’t feel the need to embellish themselves with symbols or other crutches that artificially boost one’s status in society. When adversity hits, they often bounce back quickly because they’re not afraid to try harder again and again and again.

 

Factors Affecting Self Confidence And Self Esteem In Children

 

During the ages of 5 to 12, children learn to do things on their own. This is the age where they feel confident in their ability to initiate and achieve goals. Negligence or restrictions on a child during such time casts doubts on his own abilities leaving him not striving for competence because of feelings of inadequacy. ~ Industry (competence) vs. Inferiority by Erik Erikson. 

 

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  • Many children are naturally anxious about high expectations at home and school as they continue to learn. As they enter middle school, they are also eager to meet peer expectations. Sometimes peer expectations can be in direct conflict with parental expectations. What is cool with his peers might be an absolute no no for a child’s parent.
  • Setting expectations positively or negatively impact your child’s self confidence.
    • Positively: The more you encourage good behavior the more the child is likely to work towards meeting expectations.
    • Negatively: If you expect more and more, the burden of meeting expectations on moving targets falls heavily on the child.
  • Kids can often internalize frustration towards their parents, “How many times do I have to tell you that its becoming too much for me. How many activities have you signed me up for?”
  • Moving towns or even schools in the middle of their emerging youth years might be a detriment to their self worth. As we all know, finding new friends at any age can always been challenging.

 

Read more HERE.

 

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Teens, This Is What Screams Of Insecurity

 

 

 

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