Why Do Conflicts Occur

Let us understand why we get into conflicts. With those older than us, we tend to see them as out of touch, slow and just not relevant. With those who are younger than us, we tend to see them as risk magnets, aggressive and lacking maturity.

We fight with our family because they are easily accessible to us. They are simply there, so it becomes easy to get into an argument with them over often inconsequential things. When family members question each other it’s easy to take it personally and assume a wrong accusatory intent behind their question.

The point is, most people mean well. Even absolute strangers to us don’t want to suffer unnecessarily or intentionally harm us. And this is a good assumption to have, especially since we are becoming an increasingly global world of different cultures and regions.

But, have we ever thought to look at anything or anyone without judgment, criticism and analysis. After all, nothing is as bad or as good as it looks.

Working Together Is Success

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Four Typical Attitudes

Conflicts occur when one individual desires one thing while another wants something different. How well are you able to settle a dispute? It greatly depends on your attitude. Here are four different attitudes and how each one settles a dispute.

1. Aggressive: You LOSE/I WIN:
These kind of people never yield. It is not enough for them to just win, they also make sure that the other person loses.

2. Passive-Aggressive: You LOSE/I LOSE:
These kind of people give in most of the time, but find a method to undermine the other person. As long as the other person loses as well, it doesn’t really matter if they win.

3. Passive: I LOSE/You WIN.
These kind of people usually give in. They disregard what they want in order to maintain the calm.

4. Assertive: I WIN/You WIN
These kind of people compromise to get the most of what each party desires. Although they strongly advocate for themselves, they also want the other party to be happy.

5 Conflict Management Styles

So, how do you resolve and handle disputes? What style do you use to manage conflicts? According to Thomas and Kilman, at least one of the following five tactics is frequently used to handle conflict:

Avoiding
Accommodating
Competing
Compromising
Collaborating

The Thomas-Kilman conflict styles paradigm is depicted in this diagram. A person’s behavior can be classified along two categories in this model: assertiveness and cooperativeness. The degree to which someone makes an effort to allay their own worries is referred to as assertiveness. The degree to which one works to allay the anxieties of the other is referred to as cooperation.

The Thomas-Kilman Conflict-Styles Model

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How Mindfulness Helps

The best antidote to conflict is being mindful. Instead of being consumed by the horror of diagnosis, prediction of loss and terror, why not live in the now, as things unfold in front of our eyes. Our life is much bigger than anyone of us individually, and we must learn to deal with everyone and ensure we make things work to our mutual benefit.

In the end, let us say that the situation has become beyond reaching a middle ground. Just then, try to practice this. For a little while, let the other person be right. We have not given importance to our position/stand and given priority to our peace of mind. That way, everyone wins. The other person’s ego and our peace.

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