Can a Child’s Life Be a True Adventure? Teaching Kids Agency, Discipline & Independence

These days, adventure for a child can be lounging on the couch while managing to navigate between screens to play their favorite games. And that’s because we’re uncomfortable with the idea of allowing our children to get familiar with boredom. And also, because we don’t want to say no to anything they want.

And when it comes to food choices, it can be the same, “Oh, he’s a picky eater. Atleast he eats those two or three things he likes consistently.”

Seriously, show me one child who readily picks up the veggies from their plate, or screams, “Broccoli for dinner tonight! Yay!”

The point is, when children get their way most of the time at home, around adults who indulge them with love, they can grow up with the sense that whatever they want must be good for them too.

Otherwise, the adults would tell them so, right?

And that’s how kids can misinterpret our unconditional love, as an indication that what they’re doing isn’t so bad for them after all.

The approach is too pronged here, allow me to explain.

It’s their life, and they must develop the agency to make choices, understand consequences, and figure out what’s good for them. Of course, I’m not asking you to let them indulge in eating pints of ice cream every day and then figure out two years later, that it was a terrible idea.

Here’s what I’m thinking. They want to talk to a new friend in class. Instead of trying everything in your capacity to get to the parent to set up a playdate, encourage your child to ask for their parent’s number so they feel like they’re capable of doing things for themselves.

And if they insist that playing games on their phone to unwind, give them clear boundaries between work and relaxation, so they understand that the ability to make choices and their freedom are tied to their duties.

The idea is that we need to give them a discipline framework and also give them the autonomy to operate inside of it.

If we rob them of agency and imagination to solve their own problems, we stop them from navigating adulthood well.

It’s time to let our children struggle. And to step in only when the stakes are truly high and they are in real danger.

Give children enough room to make choices, solve problems, make mistakes, and discover that life does not always go according to plan.

That’s the adventure.

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